Resolutions

Me: You know how I hate coming up with resolutions at the beginning of the new year?

Tina: Yeah..

Me: Well I’ve been thinking about it and I think I’m going to have a few for 2015.

Tina: Oh? Like what? (She is noticeably perkier, Tina loves New Year’s resolutions)

Me: Well you know how the doctor gave me that extra strength shampoo for the bumps on my head underneath my hair?

Tina: Yes it smells bad, everything about you is disgusting sometimes. (I interpreted part of this from the way she stopped eating her food abruptly)

Me: Well the shampoo only mostly works so I think I’m going to see a dermatologist this year. Doctor Boyd said that if it doesn’t get better I should..

Tina: Don’t you need to get a physical too? When is the last time you went?

Me: That’s.. No. The point is I vow to go to a dermatologist this year.

Tina: Yes and go to the doctor.

Me: No! No doctor, I don’t need the doctor, this is MY list. You go make your own.

Tina: I did, and I put making you go to the doctor on it.

Me: That’s not, that’s not how it works you can’t put stuff for me on your New Year’s resolutions!

Me: Anyways, I’m also going to get my suit jackets tailored, they already did the pants which is the hard part so I think I will get the jackets done, the arms fit a little weird.

Tina: These aren’t resolutions, this is like a chore list. You could do all of these things in one day.

Me: What? No, this is hard for me. I haven’t been to the dentist in 2 years because I don’t like it.

Tina: Uhuh, yeah you need to go to the dentist.

Me: No! 2 years ago one of my resolutions was to get my wisdom teeth out and look what happened! (I may have stuck my tongue out here)

Me: Now I have permanent numbness on part of my tongue and I’m even more terrified of the dentist!

Tina: You are ridiculous, resolutions are things that you are supposed to try and do the whole year to make you a better person, like exercising.

Tina: I mean usually I don’t get past the second week.

Me: I also need to get my car door fixed from when I hit that column.

Me: That’s it, those are my 3 New Year’s resolutions.

Tina: You know what is going to be more depressing? When you don’t even get those 3 things done in an entire year.